Friday, October 12, 2007


Do you believe in angels visiting you on earth? Has anything happened to make you feel like there is an angel around? I never have really believed in this until about 6 months after Jesse died. Whenever my mom would stay that night at our house she would say that our downstairs (where the play room and guest bedroom are located) is very noisy at night. She would say that she'd just lay awake at night and just think about Jesse playing with stuff in the playroom. I kind of thought she was crazy until I started experience things as well. We live in a tri-level and the lower level in on a concrete slab - I say this because when you walk on concrete it's not like the floor vibrates or anything like it does on the other levels in our house - does that make any sense?
Starting about 6 months after Jesse died Olivia's rocking horse would make the trotting noise that it makes when you rock it, but no one would be near it! It usually only happened if I was downstairs or sometimes it would happen shortly after I left the downstairs...I never heard it any other time. Olivia also has a magic wand that makes a noise when you move it - it's very sensitive and sometime you only need to bump the toy bin it's in to get it to go off, but it would do it with no one around. I mean, I could be downstairs by myself sitting on the computer and it would just start. Is it a coincidence that these things started happening around the 6 month anniversary of Jesse's death? At a time when babies would start being more mobile - at a time when they are rolling all over the place and "raking" toys around them...I used to kind of be freaked out by these things, but when they happen now I just say "hi baby boy, mommy loves you", a little crazy, I know! Sometimes I still get a bit freaked out though and a few minutes ago that just happened! I'm sitting at the computer and all of the sudden a toy in the toy box starts making noise. I was listening to it and suddenly realized it was coming from a toy that I had taken out of the toy box on Saturday for my 1 year old niece to play with, but we couldn't get it to work and I didn't have the right batteries so I just put it back downstairs in the toy box. It's a toy that has a silly little song and some things that spin around - you push a button and it plays for about 30 seconds and then stops until the button is pushed again...only this time it continued to play...continued for so long that I was able to go upstairs, get my camera and come back downstairs to record it - I know, I'm weird!
I also think that children are a little more susceptible to angels then adults - I don't know if it's their innocence or what. Miss O has said certain things to me that makes me believe that Jesse talks to her.
Miss O: mommy, I hear Jesse
me: Oh, you do? Well what does he sound like?
Miss O: a baby
me: Oh, really? What is he saying?
Miss O: waa, waa, waa, waa (imitating a baby crying)
on another occasion, we were visiting the cemetery
Miss O: Jesse loves it when I dance for him
me: How do you know that?
Miss O: He told me.
So, am I crazy to think that Jesse sometimes comes to visit? Brian thinks I'm crazy! I don't care what it is, it brings me comfort thinking that my little guy is here with me and that he talks with his big sister. I don't know if God does these things to bring comfort or what, but I kind of like. Ever had an experience like this?


sabyan2060 said...

Hello, Melanie thought we should meet. I too have lost a child. I was reading your post and it brought a memory of my girls. We lost Andrew in 1997 and now have 2 girls, Hannah (9 today:) and Brynna (7). We could be walking in Target and they will get in an argument about if Andrew grows up in heaven. Is he still a baby or is he 11 since he is their big brother :) Hannah says he is 11 and Bryn says he is still a baby because we do not have any pictures of him older than 8 months old :) Makes you smail and cry at the same time. Gotta love kids and their questions. I hope you gave a great weekend!

mommy to an angel said...

I am so glad to hear that your girls continue to talk about your son. My biggest fear is that Jesse will be forgotten. I want my daughter who wasn't even two when Jesse died and all or future children to grow up knowing they have a brother in Heaven - we talk about him all the time, but I'm so afraid he'll be forgotten.