Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I want a 4-wheeler for "family bonding"

This was DH's claim. Just let me buy one, the family can go out and have a good time...a little family bonding! Pretty lame, I know! I do get a shopping spree out of the deal though and when I'm pregnant (because I know I will be someday) and can't partake in the "family bonding" I will be shopping more...

Don't tell DH, but it has been kind of fun...ooooops, I didn't say that :-)

Friday, August 24, 2007

When your hut's on fire

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?" Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Praise the Lord, the trial is over! Although this has been interesting, it has been the hardest $160 I have ever worked for in my entire life!! I would recommend that if you are ever brought in as a prospective juror that you say something to the judge or lawyers that would make them dismiss you as a juror. I am telling you, you don't want to do this...ever! I have heard and seen stuff that I will probably never be able to erase from my memory. It will probably be a long time before I stop dreaming about this tragic event.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Sworn to secrecy as Juror #12

Yep, that's me! I was actually picked...can you believe it. I couldn't have gotten picked for a nice little civil case that would have taken a day or possible a day and a, I had to be called to serve on a case where the defendant has been charged with murder! That's right, murder...and that's pretty much all I can say. I have been told to expect to be there all week - oh, well that's just great!
Please keep me in your prayers this week. Although it will be an interesting week, it's also going to be a hard week.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Can I plea insanity for jury duty?

So I have been summoned for jury duty starting on Monday, Auguest 20th. I've tried to get out of this so many keeps finding me though. I have nothing else I can do, but show up Monday for my civil duties.
What defending attorney wouldn't want a hormonal private investigator with a criminal justice BS degree? I should be home by lunch time on Monday! If not, there's gonna be trouble! I mean how in the hell am I going to be able to render a rational and impartial verdict with the mood swings I've had lately?

Monday, August 13, 2007

Emotionally unstable

I feel like the most unstable person on the face of the earth right now. I can't really describe it any differently that just COMPLETELY U.N.S.T.A.B.L.E.!! I've been crying at the drop of the hat for the last two days over ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
I was joking with my mom last night and told her that I just felt like I could strangle a small dog - not that I ever would. (It's a good thing we don't have a dog). I mean I just feel like I am completely screwed up. Miss O was brushing my hair yesterday and I didn't like the way she was doing it and threw the hairbrush across the room! Can you believe that? What a horrible mother! One minute I'm so pissed at the world and the next minute everything is fine.
Hormones that are out of whack can definitely cause LOTS of problems! Now I completely understand what my mom has gone through over the past 2 1/2 years with menopause. There were times I would be talking to her and just think she was crying over the silliest I get it!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Blow him a kiss

We stopped by Jesse's today to get the birthday toys off of his marker. Olivia picked out a green windmill to put in the ground. We stuck it in the ground, but there was really no wind so it just stayed still. Several minutes later (with the windmill as still as it could be) we were getting ready to leave and told Miss O to tell Jesse bye-bye and give him a kiss. She said, "bye-bye Jesse", kissed her hand and blew and all of the sudden the windmill started spinning so fast and didn't stop for as long as we could see it driving away from baby was really touching and we all had goosebumps despite how hot and humid it was outside.

All my children

DH and I decided to start a family around the holidays 2003. We ended up getting pregnant within a couple of months and Miss O was born in October 2004. O's birth didn't exactly go as planned (when does it ever?) and numerous things, including (in my opinion) the doctor having plans for Friday night led to a c-section that we feel was completely unnecessary. Miss O was born a very healthy girl and in the end that's really all that matters, right? When Miss O turned 1 DH really wanted to try for #2...I wasn't quite ready. Shortly after we decided that maybe now was a good time to start thinking about #2 since we always dreamed that our kids would be fairly close in age. We tried for about 2 months before getting pregnant with Jesse. In the spring, at our 20 week ultrasound, we were told that we were going to have another girl! She was due 2 weeks before Miss O's 2nd birthday...I really thought this would be cool - I never had a sister and just thought how close the two of them would be growing up 2 years apart. On July 22nd, very early in the morning, I remember waking up and praying "Dear God, just make this baby move for me so that I know every thing's okay". I just didn't feel right and knew the baby hadn't moved a lot since Friday late morning. Long story short (you can read more on Jesse's website) we went to the hospital and found out that our baby was no longer alive, we came back the next day to be induced and 52 hours after being induced Jesse was silently born - we were surprised to see a boy and the only name we had picked out was Kaitlyn Jess...not very fitting for a boy! We named him Jesse (God's gift) Rees (my maiden name). We had an autopsy performed and DH and I underwent numerous testing to try determine what had happened...we never got a cause of death. About 2 1/2 months after Jesse was born we found out I was pregnant again...before we ever got the all clear to have more children (not all the tests results had come back yet). We were thrilled that God had blessed us so quickly with another child. My due date was July 12 and I thought it was such a blessing that we wouldn't have empty arms for Jesse's first birthday in heaven...not that we were trying to replace him, just that the joy of having another healthy baby in our arms would help comfort us a little. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I went in for an ultrasound to try to date the pregnancy and found out that I was pregnant with a blighted ovum and would eventually miscarry. I ended up miscarrying on my own at 10 weeks on December 5, 2006. We found out that the m/c had nothing to do with losing Jesse - the blighted ovum was most likely caused by chromosomal abnormalities and we know that there was nothing wrong with Jesse's chromosomes. My midwife told us that we could ttc as soon as we wanted to so we thought we'd start trying with the next cycle...only to find out that the m/c had really screwed up my hormones and cycles. We struggled with infertility for 7 months until finally deciding to take clomid to help me ovulate. The first month on clomid I ovulated and got pregnant right away...what a relief! I was kind of crazy on clomid and had horrible hot flashes so I was very happy that it happened so quickly and I only had to do it for one month. I immediately went in for labs, found out my progesterone was low and started prometrium. I went back 48 hours later to check if my betas were doubling only to find out the had stayed the same. I went back 72 hours later to find out that they were dropping, I had a chemical pregnancy and started to miscarry again. Again, this had nothing to do with the two previous losses...the reason for this loss was most likely due to the low progesterone levels that were not able to support the pregnancy.
We are extremely devastated, but trying to count our blessings. We are truly blessed to have the one miracle that God has allowed us to borrow - Miss O. We are blessed with a wonderful support system of friends, family a midwife and nurses who have all been there for us 100%. The have all been such a huge help to us throughout our struggles over the past year - we are truly blessed! We're trying to be content with all the blessings God has given us, but are finding this to be increasingly difficult. We ask for your prayers as we continue to take it one day at a time.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

New Blog

I don't really have too much to write about right now. Through our struggles in the past year there have been many times where I felt like I needed a place to go to and just write about what I was going through. I didn't necessarily want that place to be a jounal. I kind of wanted a place where other people could read what I wrote and possible comment...a Blog would be a perfect place!
After struggling with infertility for 6 months, after my miscarriage in December 2006, we decided to go on clomid. I was successful after the first month and found out on July 31st that I was pregnant. Unfortunately, less than one week later, I found out something was wrong and began to miscarry.
Right now we're just pretty devestated since this is the 3rd child that we have lost. I have an appointment set up with my midwife later this month and will get a referral to a RE in Chicago.
Right now, we just need your prayers as we try to find peace with the latest lost.