Friday, July 25, 2008

Happy 2nd Birthday Jesse



Jesse,


Words can't express the feelings that I feel today. There is every kind of emotion running through my body! I can't believe that two years ago we had to say good-bye. In some ways, it feels like it was yesterday, but in others it feels like it's been a lifetime. Two years ago I held your lifeless body and just felt empty, lost, scared...and just couldn't understand why. I still don't understand why, but I do know that there have been so many blessings that have come out of your early arrival to heaven.

Jesse, you made me brave! I did something that many wouldn't have even attempted - 52 hours of labor to have you naturally - it would have been so easy to have a repeat c-section, but I think God had other plans because on 7/22 when we realized that your heart was no longer beating, I wasn't ready to say good-bye yet - you had already gone to heaven, but your body was still protected by mine and I wasn't ready to give that up - I needed time.

Jesse, do you know that you changed the world? Do you know that strangers dropped to their knees praying for your mommy and daddy and family as we were going through the roughest time in our lives? Do you know that, because of you, your daddy was saved and will see you again someday? Do you know that you accomplished more in your short little life than some do over many many years? You, tiny you, are the greatest miracle I've known and I am incredibly proud to be called your mommy!

Two years ago today I lost a piece of my heart. Two years ago today a hole formed in my heart that will never be filled. Two years ago today I had to tell you good-bye. Two years ago today I didn't know how I was going to make it another day, but two years ago today Heaven became a reality! It's now a place I look forward to. I look forward to the day when I will hold you again. I look forward to the day when the hole in my heart is filled and I am complete with you and our Heavenly Father. No more pain, no more heartache, no more emptiness...

Happy 2nd Birthday my wee little man! I love you more than words can describe.

To our friends and family: Thank you so much for all of your support, love and prayers. We are so lucky to have such wonderful people who have covered us with an incredible amount of love and prayers - you guys are amazing!

Jesus, you have walked with us in a way we could have never imagined. You have brought us peace and strength that can only come from You. We can't thank You enough for the comfort you have brought to us and our family and friends. We are so thankful for the gift of salvation and the promise that we will see our little Jesse again some day.

6 comments:

Aimee said...

What an awesome post Shawnie! You guys have been through so much, but you are definitely one of the strongest people I know, and maybe that's because of Jesse!

Happy 2nd Birthday Little Guy!!

amanda said...

oh, shawnie...what a beautiful post. missing jesse with you today...

Megan said...

God bless Shawnie, Brian, Olivia and their sweet Jesse. We are looking forward to meeting you amazing boy one day!

Anne said...

What a great tribute to such a special little boy. He is smiling down on his family right now....awaiting the birth of his little brother or sister.

mommy24 said...

Missing them more and more...it's amazing how different life looks today than it did 2 years ago. I can honestly say that God has been gracious. We are endebted to you for being willing to walk the road with us. It has been a blessing!

Ter said...

I'm so sorry that I didn't come by and say happy birthday to Jesse. Things have been a little out of sorts here. As you may remember our angels share the same birthday, one year apart... I hope your day was peaceful.. ((many hugs))