Birth plan

It's that time again to come up with a birth plan. MWAAA-HA-HAAAA!
I find this hysterical actually! If it was up to me, I would not be putting together a birth plan, but because I am having a doula, she likes for us to have one. She came to our house last week and we went over the birth plan. We basically have to outline EVERYTHING we would want under ideal circumstances. She takes it, studies it, memorizes it and when the time comes she is our voice. She tries her best to make sure that everything gets done that is on the list. For instance...we like to wait on the mandatory eye drops until we have had a chance to hold the baby and I nurse - usually for that first hour when the baby is wide awake and trying to figure out what in the hell just happened. Then they tend to poop out and take a nice long nap. So, it's usually pretty routine for the nurses wipe baby off, check the heart rate....and then put the eye drops in. That's whey my doula says, "hey Brian, looks like they're getting ready to put the eye drops in, make sure you tell them to hold off!"
This is just one thing out of many that are on our two-page birth plan. Why do I find this hysterical? Come on now - I've had two birthplans and two births and neither one turned out anything like I had "planned". I don't recall my birthplan for Olivia looking something like this...
*have nurse pressure me into an epidural
*have nurse break her finger and have to go to the ER right when the anesthesiologist is ready to administer the epidural, leaving us with no nurse!
*get a moron for an anesthesiologist who proceeds to play darts with my spine and the needle, poking me about a dozen times before getting it right
*only make the epidural work on half of my body
*when the baby's heart rate drops during a contraction, have the neonatal nurse freak out and start shaving my stomach saying, "we're going to need to do a c-section"
*when the Dr arrives and talks to the nurse have her come in and tell me that they have to keep the pitocin off and that I won't progress without it. Have her explain to me that I'll probably labor all night without any progress and that I'll still end up with a c-section because the last ultrasound revealed that my baby was going to be around 10 pounds or that I could go ahead and have the c-section and have my baby in 30 minutes, bypassing all the unnecessary labor that would get me nowhere!
*no matter how much epidural they pump me with I want to still feel EVERYTHING!!
*I want my Dr and the other Dr helping her get into an in depth conversation about a movie they saw and not explain ANYTHING to me, so that I just lay there freaking out about all this tugging, stretching, pulling and pain that I feel
*When I begin to freak out from the pain have the anesthesiologist ask, "should I take her out?"

No, I didn't really have that kind of plan, but that's pretty much what happened. But the end result was a beautiful, healthy little girl that is the most perfect thing on earth...weighing in at 7 pound 15 ounces!

Now, I must say that the labor with Jesse went much better - other than the fact that the induction took 52 hours on pitocin because I was only 30 weeks and my cervix was no where close to being "ripe". I am so happy that I was successful at a VBAC and that I could prove to myself that I could indeed do it! My doula, husband and all the other support that I had in my room was awesome and I can honestly say that it was a good experience, but my baby had already grew his wings before he was born and I walked out of the hospital the next day with empty arms.

So, I've had 1 horrible birth experience with a wonderful outcome and 1 wonderful birth experience with a horrible outcome - this time I want the birth experience and the outcome to be WONDERFUL and I am trusting that God will make this happen!

So, when my doula asked me to have my birth plan ready for her home visit, this is the birth plan I wanted to present her with...
*short, uneventful, pain free, natural labor
*no 6 inch gash across lower tummy
*beautiful, healthy baby to take home with us

Will it happen? Only God knows! I just have to put my faith and trust in Him that no matter what happens, it's all a part of His plan and that His plan is perfect. There's no plan in the world that is more perfect than His. I wrote out my birth plan for my doula knowing that it's pretty much a big joke! I have no control nor does Brian or even my doula. God is the one in control and I'm just praying for a healthy baby and a healthy me - all in all, nothing else matters!