I showed my ass at the Barnett's

I was in Indy for several days getting ready and giving my SIL her baby shower. After the shower on Saturday I went over to my in-laws house to visit. I was sitting in one of the chairs in the living room in a stretchy cotton dress. I stood up and started walking and the hem of my dress got caught on the arm of the chair. I kind of yelped or something which made everyone turn their head just as the dress flipped off the arm of the chair and up in the air revealing my big ass in front of everyone! I turned to see Brian's dad, face red and eyes bulging out of his head. I dropped to the floor laughing so hard, I thought me and Brian's mom were going to pee our pants (or pee my dress). It was so funny! A few minutes later someone said, "Brian's going to get a kick out of this when you tell him." I said, "oh, he'll probably just want to know what underwear I was wearing." So after I left their house I called Brian. I was dying laughing trying to tell him the story and at the end of it Brian says, "so, what underwear did you have on?"

Dear Husband

Brian, my DH, never reads my blogs...quite frankly, he thinks their pretty silly. This probably has something to do with the fact that he is on a computer ALL day at work and he probably wants nothing to do with it when he gets home.
Some of my friends have mentioned stuff to Brian about things that were on our weight loss blog regarding a potential Christmas present. This sparked his interest so he decided to check out that blog and this one. Afterwards he says to me, "So why do you refer to me as DH?"
me: it means Dear Husband
Brian: yeah, right! It stands for D!ck Head, doesn't it?
me: (laughing) no honey, it really does stand for Dear Husband
Brian: you're lying to me!
So after much discussion the conversation was over and I really don't know if he believes me or not. I don't know what other people mean by DH, but I honestly do mean Dear Husband. He is definitely my dear husband (it's about to get a little mushy in here). He's my high school sweet heart and my dream come true. I love him to pieces for so many reasons.
~He's the most incredible daddy I ever imagined for my child.
~He's very supportive - no matter what I'm doing or going through, he supports me 100%.
~He loves to spoil me!
~I can talk him into anything I want.
~He always has a compliment for me.
~He's HOT!
~He's a very hard worker.
I could go on forever, but I'll spare you.
I am really glad that God chose the two of us for each other. I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through the past 14 months without him. He has been so strong through everything we have been through and alot of the time I KNOW he was only being strong for me and Miss O. There were several times that he would say to me, "but I have to be strong for you". He too lost his son and endured the pain of 2 miscarriages, but he was more concerned with staying strong for me - WHAT A MAN!!
So anyway, he's my dear husband and I love him soooo much! Keep him in your prayers over the next couple of weeks as he transitions to a new job. He is leaving CNA where he has been since he graduated college and going to Blue Cross Blue Shield. He's looking forward to it, but he's also really nervous. He's also praying that he doesn't get into the position that he did at CNA where they expect the world from him and know he will give it...basically pray that he can only give 100% and not his usual 150% - it will be hard for him to step back and go from 'living to work' to 'working to live'.
DH, thanks for putting up with me (especially on the fertility drugs), thanks for loving me, thanks for everything you do, thanks for your hard work, thanks for making my dreams come true and thanks for the happily ever after. I love you!

Horrible timing

So I started a new cycle on September 13 and with this cycle I have taken Metformin to help with the PCOS, Clomid to help me ovulate, Prometrium to help with my progesterone deficiency and have cut out carbs to help with my PCOS - I'm praying that all of this stuff will in fact make me ovulate and we'll get pregnant this cycle...there's just one problem - I'm traveling to Indy on Thursday and DH will not be with me. I won't be returning until Sunday. That means no deposits (for lack of a better term) on CD 16 & 17 - we can have sex before I leave on CD15 and then when I return late on CD 18, but that's an 84 hour stretch with no, um, deposits, at a time that is right on for ovulation - what horrible timing!! I just thought of this last night and DH and I were talking about it. Wouldn't it be our luck that the first month that we actually get everything figured out that I would ovulate while we are not together.
Well, I think I came up with a solution that will work! (and no, this does not involve a turkey baster) I can usually always tell when I ovulate. I told my DH that if I ovulate on Friday or Saturday I will leave Miss O with my mom or his mom in Indy and we'll meet in Lafayette for a "nooner". Does that make us desperate? I'm guessing yes! I will actually drive an hour and 10 minutes and he will do the same so that we don't miss it. Then there was another question. Do we go to the Lees Inn in Lafayette and get a room? and waste $100 for 5 minutes? Nonsense! I drive a Magnum with seats that lay down and tinted windows! Perfect!!
Hopefully none of this has to take place - I'm praying that I ovulate sometime in the next 2 1/2 days and we don't have to worry about it, but if not we've got a plan!
Hopefully it's God's plan too - not the whole sex in the car thing, but getting pregnant with this cycle. That's where you come in! Please keep us in your prayers this week. Pray that God will finally give us the desires of our hearts and bless us with a healthy baby. Pray that if it's not in God's timing that we will find peace with this.

Have you ever...

Have you ever cut out ALL carbs from your diet?
Have you ever taken Clomid?
Have you ever taken Prometrium?
Have you ever done all of the above at the same time?

That's what I'm doing right now and I could pull my hair out! I'm moody, depressed & irritable. I've had a headache, nausea, diarrhea, breast tenderness, hot flashes and night sweats since Tuesday. I don't sleep at night which makes all of this worse during the day...it just plain sucks. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it in the end if we end up with a healthy pregnancy and child.
Isn't it amazing what a woman will do and put her body through in order to be blessed with the miracle of life? How easy it would be to just throw your hands in the air and give up, but there have been so many women who have done all of this and for long periods of time to be blessed with a child from God.

Peeing accident

Unfortunately I'm not talking about Miss O - I'm talking about myself...yes myself. So Friday night I went to my MOPS steering team retreat at Spring Hill Inn. I was up until 5 AM and had to get up 2 1/2 hours later. After checking out of the Inn some of us girls went to MI City to shop all day. Aimee and I ended up going to Target in Valpo on our way home sometime around 3:30 (maybe). At that point I was starting to feel the side effects from staying up so late and only sleeping 2 1/2 hours, but what I did next was really crazy. I went to the restroom to pee, shut and locked the door, dropped my pants and assumed the squat. The only problem was that I was nowhere near the toilet...and I couldn't stop or move! I made the biggest puddle on the floor and managed to get some on my pants because I tried to move. I was dying laughing...I've peed my pants before (thanks mom) but never like this!!
Now I know what they mean when they say driving while tired is just as bad as driving while drunk because by about 6 PM Saturday night I was so exhausted that I really felt like I was intoxicated.

Little Miss O

I thank God everyday for my little Miss O. I know for a fact that there have been days in the past 14 months that had she not been in my life I probably would not have gotten out of bed. There have been days where I'd wake up in the morning and all I wanted to do was sob in my hands all day...and then I hear her sweet little voice as she is starting to wake up and everything changes. She was at the hospital for 3 days with us while I was in labor with Jesse and so many of our friends offered to take her home, but we insisted she stayed because she made us laugh and she made us continue forward when we didn't have the strength to do it anymore.

Here's some stuff little Miss O has done lately that has made us smile:

She started dance class on Monday at Donna Brum's Dance Studio. She's in a class that does tap, ballet and gymnastics and it's so stinkin' cute, I can't even stand it! Here's some pics of her during class.

Her favorite is the bear crawl.

She also loves to tumble.

Our little Princess Ballerina

...But she's not always this sweet! Although O is a VERY well behaved child, she, like most kids, has a little bit of a mischievous side to her. We are in the middle of potty training. Whenever she goes on the potty she gets one skittle. She went on the potty and asked if she could have a skittle and I sent her upstairs to get it. She was gone for quite awhile and was pretty quiet so I went to see what she was up to. This is what I found at the top of the stairs...

She had a rainbow of colors dripping down her chin and all over her hands and with her mouth full she mumbled, "mommy, I only ate one"

mommy: one handful? You know better than that, I'm very disappointed. (trying not to laugh)

She started spitting out the mouthful of skittles into the dish. I think the worst punishment was that I made her dump out the bowl of skittles in the trash can...that really upset her!

Maybe it's working!

Since finding out that I have PCOS I have been really watching what I eat, especially when it comes to sugars and carbohydrates. I also started Metformin a week and a half ago. It seems already that this might be working because AF came yesterday...this is the first time in 4 months that AF has visited on her own without the use of Provera. Could it be that the medication and the change in my diet is already starting to work? At this point, all I have is my hope which I have continued to hold on to...so for now, I'll just hope that it's working and continue to pray that it will work and that God will give me the desires of my heart.

Two little letters missing

Once again I am wondering why I do not have the letter M along with the letter D at the end of my name...Shawnie B., M.D. - has a nice ring to it, right? So we met with my midwife Sheryl last week to talk about what the hell is going on. We talked about going to a RE and we had the referral in hand. Sheryl wanted to do a couple more blood tests, but basically had no answer for the infertility and miscarriages. I asked her if she ever considered PCOS a possibility...we started going through the symptoms...
multiple ovarian cysts - check
Irregular or absent menses - check
infertility - check
acne - check
Obesity or inability to lose weight - check
excessive body or facial hair - check
Insulin resistance - not sure
thinning of scalp hair - check
hyperpigminted skin folds - no
high blood pressure - no
7 out of 10...the last thing to do was to check my LH (luteinizing hormone) and my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) - the two should be at a 1 to 1 ratio...mine came back at 18.2 LH and 6.5 FSH - 3:1 ratio
Good news? we now know why I am not ovulating...Bad news? I have PCOS...Good news? It's easily treatable
We still don't have an explanation for Jesse's death or the 1 m/c - the last m/c was because I was progesterone deficient.
So join me in praising God for a diagnosis that should help us get pregnant. Please pray that the medication I will be taking, along with lifestyle change, will help me to get back to normal and allow us to get pregnant. Pray that if a pregnancy is achieved that God will protect the life that He formed and allow us to bring a healthy child into this world.

Thanks to Jen who mentioned this a couple months ago and got me thinking and doing research!