Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I'm losing my power

You know the power bar on video games? Starts out as full strength, green bar and as you go on the bar gets smaller and smaller and then when it gets real close to you "dying" it goes red and there's only a small sliver left....know what I'm talking about? That's where I'm at right now, just a little tiny sliver of red left on my super-human mom power bar and I'm super emotional about it! I know that this is another milestone, another page in the book, but I'm having a really hard time right now.
Jack's weaning himself and we're done having kids!
I couldn't wait for the day for Olivia to wean - in fact, she woke up on her 1st birthday and she was done - she didn't ask for it again for a few days and then I couldn't really help her with it. For a couple of weeks now Jack was nursing once in the morning and once at night, but last week he dropped the evening nursing. Saturday he wanted nothing to do with nursing in the morning so I know it's coming. I had no problem with Olivia weaning, in fact, I was happy she was done, but Brian and I thought that after Jack was born that he'd be our last so now that he's starting to wean I'm a huge mess! I will no longer have my super-human mom power of growing a baby inside my body and providing all the nourishment needed to form this baby and I will no longer provide nourishment to a baby through nursing.
It's such a special thing to me - I absolutely LOVE being pregnant, the thought of my body being capable of "making" another human being is so awesome. I even LOVE giving birth - even with the long labors I tend to have and the fear of medications and epidurals - there's just something very fascinating about the way God has designed women and the way that everything works together to deliver a baby - thankfully I have an awesome midwife that allows MY body to deliver the baby instead of the Dr delivering the baby with the many interventions such as episiotomy, forceps, vacuums, Cesarean...(I know that these things are sometimes needed in lifesaving situation, but unfortunately it has become less about life-saving and more about time-saving). I had an awesome birth experience with both Jesse and Jack - it's just amazing how the body works.
I also find it fascinating that after 9 months of growing a baby in my body that I am able to nourish this baby for 6+ months with ONLY what my body produces - it's just amazing!
I know there are some of you reading this thinking that I'm crazy - we all feel completely different on these issues, but this is MY experience and we see things differently.
So here I am, knowing that what's occurring is just a normal part of life, another transition. I look forward to the future, but at the same time I really want to hold on to the past and present - I guess it's my way of trying to keep my baby little for just a bit longer.


Aimee said...

I was the exact same way when Owen started weaning. I knew he was our last, and I wanted it to last for as long as it could. It's definitely bittersweet! Hang in there! Each stage is awesome, so just think of it as another stage! :)

On Stage said...

Shawnie, you're making me all teary-eyed. I know exactly what you are feeling. It's hard to let go and let them grow up!

Still Sane said...

I hear you! I had to wean Michael for fear of going to the emergency room, to have some important peices sewn back on. But it is soo sad. With Ella in K and mikey's open house last night, I'm a wreck! Mike thinks I'm nuts. MEN!