Saturday, August 11, 2007

All my children

DH and I decided to start a family around the holidays 2003. We ended up getting pregnant within a couple of months and Miss O was born in October 2004. O's birth didn't exactly go as planned (when does it ever?) and numerous things, including (in my opinion) the doctor having plans for Friday night led to a c-section that we feel was completely unnecessary. Miss O was born a very healthy girl and in the end that's really all that matters, right? When Miss O turned 1 DH really wanted to try for #2...I wasn't quite ready. Shortly after we decided that maybe now was a good time to start thinking about #2 since we always dreamed that our kids would be fairly close in age. We tried for about 2 months before getting pregnant with Jesse. In the spring, at our 20 week ultrasound, we were told that we were going to have another girl! She was due 2 weeks before Miss O's 2nd birthday...I really thought this would be cool - I never had a sister and just thought how close the two of them would be growing up 2 years apart. On July 22nd, very early in the morning, I remember waking up and praying "Dear God, just make this baby move for me so that I know every thing's okay". I just didn't feel right and knew the baby hadn't moved a lot since Friday late morning. Long story short (you can read more on Jesse's website) we went to the hospital and found out that our baby was no longer alive, we came back the next day to be induced and 52 hours after being induced Jesse was silently born - we were surprised to see a boy and the only name we had picked out was Kaitlyn Jess...not very fitting for a boy! We named him Jesse (God's gift) Rees (my maiden name). We had an autopsy performed and DH and I underwent numerous testing to try determine what had happened...we never got a cause of death. About 2 1/2 months after Jesse was born we found out I was pregnant again...before we ever got the all clear to have more children (not all the tests results had come back yet). We were thrilled that God had blessed us so quickly with another child. My due date was July 12 and I thought it was such a blessing that we wouldn't have empty arms for Jesse's first birthday in heaven...not that we were trying to replace him, just that the joy of having another healthy baby in our arms would help comfort us a little. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I went in for an ultrasound to try to date the pregnancy and found out that I was pregnant with a blighted ovum and would eventually miscarry. I ended up miscarrying on my own at 10 weeks on December 5, 2006. We found out that the m/c had nothing to do with losing Jesse - the blighted ovum was most likely caused by chromosomal abnormalities and we know that there was nothing wrong with Jesse's chromosomes. My midwife told us that we could ttc as soon as we wanted to so we thought we'd start trying with the next cycle...only to find out that the m/c had really screwed up my hormones and cycles. We struggled with infertility for 7 months until finally deciding to take clomid to help me ovulate. The first month on clomid I ovulated and got pregnant right away...what a relief! I was kind of crazy on clomid and had horrible hot flashes so I was very happy that it happened so quickly and I only had to do it for one month. I immediately went in for labs, found out my progesterone was low and started prometrium. I went back 48 hours later to check if my betas were doubling only to find out the had stayed the same. I went back 72 hours later to find out that they were dropping, I had a chemical pregnancy and started to miscarry again. Again, this had nothing to do with the two previous losses...the reason for this loss was most likely due to the low progesterone levels that were not able to support the pregnancy.
We are extremely devastated, but trying to count our blessings. We are truly blessed to have the one miracle that God has allowed us to borrow - Miss O. We are blessed with a wonderful support system of friends, family a midwife and nurses who have all been there for us 100%. The have all been such a huge help to us throughout our struggles over the past year - we are truly blessed! We're trying to be content with all the blessings God has given us, but are finding this to be increasingly difficult. We ask for your prayers as we continue to take it one day at a time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I want to offer you my condolences on the loss of your babies. I am a 32 year old woman who got pregnant for the first time at the beginning of the year. We lost our little one after 8 weeks. It was the most devistating thing I've ever been through emotionally and physically.
Crying is understandable. Cry with everything you've got. But more than anything, keep God at the center of your life at all times.

I pray that the Lord will ease the pain in your heart, that he will comfort and strengthen you through this time and that he will provide blessings to the child you are raising.

Lift your hands to him in praise, even though your heart aches and you may feel alone and lost, for that is at the time when he will be closest to you.