Little Ballet Star

Olivia had her first dance recital this weekend and I'm exhausted. Thursday was the dress rehearsal which lasted several hours and the recital was Friday and Saturday. We spent several hours each day doing hair and make-up and getting her dressed and several hours standing around waiting for her 2 minute dance...but it was all worth it! She made such a beautiful little ballet star! She did an incredible job all three nights - I was afraid she would get up there and just freeze and not do anything, but that wasn't so! She did the entire routine just like she has been practicing for months. At the end of Act I she had to go out on stage with all the dancers in Act I (there were 28 dances in Act I so there were alot of kids on stage) and take a bow. Her little group was the last preschool group to come on stage in the front row and only the first 2 or 3 girls in her line were able to get out on the stage past the curtain...unfortunately that didn't stop Olivia - she busted her way through pushing aside these little girls so she could get onto the stage, then she stands there, give her best smile and takes a bow! It was hilarious - I wish I had that on film! I did videotape her during the dress rehearsal (the only time we were allowed to videotape) but I sent the DVD home with my parents before downloading it on the computer so for now all I have to share are pictures. I'll put the video on my blog when I get it back later this week. For now, enjoy some pics!

Yes, she actually sits still and lets me put all of these rollers in her hair!!

She discovered Libby Lou and fairy dust - after making the purchase she said to me, "mom, what more could a girl want?" Oh, honey - let me give you the list!!

She loved when we would take the curlers out and her hair would spring back when she pulled on it.

She looks like a baby doll with her hair like this

Against my better judgement we applied make-up - she was supposed to have dark eye shadow, dark blush, dark lipstick and mascara - we settled for a lite purple eye shadow, light blush and pink lipstick...NO mascara - this isn't a miss America pageant!! She is only 3 - it was bad enough that they had to wear anything!

The following are pictures we had taken at "Portrait Innovations" by the mall - if you live in the area I highly recommend trying them out - we had great success - much better than the last couple of trips to "picture people" where they have screwed up our pics on several occasions!!

And That's our little ballet star!

Why didn't I think of this sooner?

Yesterday was spent cleaning my house from when my niece and nephew was here and in preparation for my parents and Brian's parents to visit this weekend for Olivia's recital. Now I know what's it's like to have 3 kids - I never thought you could go through that many towels and wash clothes in 3 days!! Grass, dirt and sand must stick more to bigger kids than it does to smaller ones. And play dough is much messier when there's three sets of hands spreading it around!
Olivia likes to "help" me when I clean - it usually ends up being harder for me, but I figure this is the only way she's going to learn. So as I'm sweeping the kitchen, she's spreading the dirt back out in her attempt to sweep :-)
The time came for me to take a little break and enjoy some coffee so I sat down on the couch. The living room floor was littered with toys. I usually find it easier to just pick them up myself instead of constantly nagging Olivia to pick up - how old are they when you can say "go clean your room." and they actually do it instead of getting interrupted by the first toy they pick up? But I figured I would be sitting for a few minutes and could stay on top of her about picking stuff up. I first said, "Olivia will you pick up ____?" and like usual, it went in one ear and out the other. So then I say, "we're going to play a game. I'm going to tell you which item you have to pick up, then you're going to say, 'mother may I?' and I will say, 'yes you may' and then you can pick it up and put it in the toy box. Remember that you can't pick it up until you ask, 'Mother may I?' and I answer with, 'yes you may' okay?"
Olivia: OKAY, LET'S PLAY!!!
me: Olivia pick up _____
Olivia: Mother may I?
me: Yes you may
me: Olivia pick up _____
Olivia: Mother may I?
me: Yes you may
me: Olivia pick up _____
Olivia: Mother may I?
me: Yes you may
This continued until EVERY toy had been picked up! It worked beautifully! I couldn't believe my eyes - why didn't I think of this sooner?!?!?!
Now, Brian was "working" from home yesterday and he's sitting on the couch looking at me like I had three heads. I was thinking - Brian thinks I'm a genius! He can't believe that I came up with this awesome "game" and that it's actually working. He must think that I'm the most incredible smart mother ever.....and then he says to me, "that's awful, I can't believe you are making her say, 'mother may I?' - that's just horrible." HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE GAME "MOTHER MAY I?" WAS!!!!! He just thought I was some slave driver making Olivia ask, 'mother may I?' hahahaha!

anniversaries and dates

When you've suffered a loss it seems as though you are constantly thinking "anniversaries" and "dates"...they're just numbers, but for me at least, I can easily get consumed by them! This pregnancy has been filled with a lot of anxieties and worries as well as a lot of hurdles to cross. We made it past the 5 week mark of my second miscarriage. Then we made it past the 10 week mark of my first miscarriage. We got past the 13 week/1st trimester hurdle. We also survived the 20 week ultrasound and the 24 week blood glucose test and so far, everything is going along great! As I am well aware of, this can change in the blink of an eye, which is why I sometimes feel like I am driving myself crazy with kick counts and NSTs.
Now we are approaching yet another anniversary! On July 22, 2006 we found out Jesse had died and I was 30 weeks and 3 days along in my pregnancy. On July 25, 2006 Jesse was born and I was 30 weeks and 6 days. Right now, I am currently 30 weeks and 1 day - so this next week is going to be filled with a lot of anxiety...and a lot of prayers - I plan to be on my knees a lot this week praying that God continues to breath life into the baby he formed inside my body 30 weeks ago.
I find that I do better when things are busy and I don't have time to dwell on anniversaries and dates and this week just so happens to be the busiest week of my summer! We had my niece and nephew up for a few days last week. Then we spent the weekend in Indianapolis for Father's Day. On Monday Olivia had dance class. After dance we went to the park with some of the girls in her dance class. After that, we took the train into Chicago and met dad for dinner and hung out in Millennium park until way after Olivia's bed time. Today we had pictures for Olivia's dance recital so I spent the morning putting her hair in curlers and getting her all dolled up for that and then in an hour I have another NST and a Dr appointment. Tomorrow is a slow day, but Thursday Olivia has dress rehearsal for her dance recital. Then on Friday, Olivia will have her first dance recital. On Saturday, both sets of Olivia's grandparents will be coming up from Indy to visit and see her at her dance recital on Saturday night. They will all stay the night and then Olivia will go home with my parents on Sunday to spend a couple of nights while Brian and I have a couple of nights to ourselves. We are planning dinner in the city for one of the nights and maybe we'll catch a movie on another night.
I have been dreading the business of this week, but now that I realize that it falls during the same time that I NEED it to be the busiest because of the numbers stuck in my head, I am once again amazed by God's perfect plan! He has been planning this week and packing it full of stuff because He knows that's what I need! It's comforting to know that He's got it all figured out for me - I know that no matter what happens in the future, it's all God's plan and it's perfect in every way - He works out all the details and everything always falls into place.

Birth plan

It's that time again to come up with a birth plan. MWAAA-HA-HAAAA!
I find this hysterical actually! If it was up to me, I would not be putting together a birth plan, but because I am having a doula, she likes for us to have one. She came to our house last week and we went over the birth plan. We basically have to outline EVERYTHING we would want under ideal circumstances. She takes it, studies it, memorizes it and when the time comes she is our voice. She tries her best to make sure that everything gets done that is on the list. For instance...we like to wait on the mandatory eye drops until we have had a chance to hold the baby and I nurse - usually for that first hour when the baby is wide awake and trying to figure out what in the hell just happened. Then they tend to poop out and take a nice long nap. So, it's usually pretty routine for the nurses wipe baby off, check the heart rate....and then put the eye drops in. That's whey my doula says, "hey Brian, looks like they're getting ready to put the eye drops in, make sure you tell them to hold off!"
This is just one thing out of many that are on our two-page birth plan. Why do I find this hysterical? Come on now - I've had two birthplans and two births and neither one turned out anything like I had "planned". I don't recall my birthplan for Olivia looking something like this...
*have nurse pressure me into an epidural
*have nurse break her finger and have to go to the ER right when the anesthesiologist is ready to administer the epidural, leaving us with no nurse!
*get a moron for an anesthesiologist who proceeds to play darts with my spine and the needle, poking me about a dozen times before getting it right
*only make the epidural work on half of my body
*when the baby's heart rate drops during a contraction, have the neonatal nurse freak out and start shaving my stomach saying, "we're going to need to do a c-section"
*when the Dr arrives and talks to the nurse have her come in and tell me that they have to keep the pitocin off and that I won't progress without it. Have her explain to me that I'll probably labor all night without any progress and that I'll still end up with a c-section because the last ultrasound revealed that my baby was going to be around 10 pounds or that I could go ahead and have the c-section and have my baby in 30 minutes, bypassing all the unnecessary labor that would get me nowhere!
*no matter how much epidural they pump me with I want to still feel EVERYTHING!!
*I want my Dr and the other Dr helping her get into an in depth conversation about a movie they saw and not explain ANYTHING to me, so that I just lay there freaking out about all this tugging, stretching, pulling and pain that I feel
*When I begin to freak out from the pain have the anesthesiologist ask, "should I take her out?"

No, I didn't really have that kind of plan, but that's pretty much what happened. But the end result was a beautiful, healthy little girl that is the most perfect thing on earth...weighing in at 7 pound 15 ounces!

Now, I must say that the labor with Jesse went much better - other than the fact that the induction took 52 hours on pitocin because I was only 30 weeks and my cervix was no where close to being "ripe". I am so happy that I was successful at a VBAC and that I could prove to myself that I could indeed do it! My doula, husband and all the other support that I had in my room was awesome and I can honestly say that it was a good experience, but my baby had already grew his wings before he was born and I walked out of the hospital the next day with empty arms.

So, I've had 1 horrible birth experience with a wonderful outcome and 1 wonderful birth experience with a horrible outcome - this time I want the birth experience and the outcome to be WONDERFUL and I am trusting that God will make this happen!

So, when my doula asked me to have my birth plan ready for her home visit, this is the birth plan I wanted to present her with...
*short, uneventful, pain free, natural labor
*no 6 inch gash across lower tummy
*beautiful, healthy baby to take home with us

Will it happen? Only God knows! I just have to put my faith and trust in Him that no matter what happens, it's all a part of His plan and that His plan is perfect. There's no plan in the world that is more perfect than His. I wrote out my birth plan for my doula knowing that it's pretty much a big joke! I have no control nor does Brian or even my doula. God is the one in control and I'm just praying for a healthy baby and a healthy me - all in all, nothing else matters!

Can you hear fetal heartones with a car charger?

Apparently so! Olivia was playing miss Sheryl (my midwife) yesterday with her dolls. She got out the car charger from her DVD player and used a baby blanket as the little sheet that they tuck in your pants. I'm surprised she didn't ask for some gel to lube up their tummies. What you can't see is the book she set up that was the "monitor" for when she was "looking" at the baby inside her dolls tummies.

Later she switched to the ear buds from her "IPOD".

Can you tell she goes to a lot of appointments with me? And actually she stays with Leenie for a lot of my appointments.

BTW my appointment and NST went well today. On the NST, they wait for the baby to have approximately 10 movements. This usually takes between 15 minutes and 30 minutes depending on how the baby cooperates. So they usually hook me up and come back in about 15 minutes to see how things are going. If the baby hasn't moved 10 times in 15 minutes then they will buzz the baby to get it to wake up. The nurse came in after 15 minutes and the baby had already moved 27 times!! Overachiever!! The nurse is for a doctor in the office so I have never had any interaction with her. She asks me how far along I am and when I say 28 weeks she didn't really believe me - she said, "you're only 28 weeks and you're getting a NST like this?!?!" She then followed up with, "what's the reason we are doing this, this is an incredible NST. I don't see any reason for concern!" She quickly shut up when I explained that I had an unexplained 30 week stillborn. I am so thankful that I have an active baby - it has been very reassuring, but at the same time, if I go a few hours without a lot of movement (which can be completely normal) I begin to freak out. So the heartrate was in the high 120's/low 130's when inactive (which didn't happen much) and in the 150's when active (most of the time).

I'm looking forward to an extra 16 inches in bed tonight

Okay, get your mind out of the gutter! What a filthy mind you have!!



Let me explain - we have a new mattress on its way - a KING mattress!! We're getting rid of our queen and moving up to a king. With the growing belly, a body pillow and a husband who thinks he's the only one sleeping in our bed I am looking forward to the extra 16 inches of room! Plus Olivia slept in our bed off and on for the first 6 weeks and I have no reason to believe that this baby won't do the same, so the added inches will be great once the baby is here.


We also bought our FIRST bedroom set and it will be here next week. We have never had a "real" bed - we've always had just the mattress set on the frame with wheels - and we have only had a chest of drawers from IKEA. This is like the best thing since sliced bread - I am just so happy!!! We got the furniture at Ashley - I think this is what it looks like

If this isn't the exact one, then it's very similar. I can't wait to get new bedding and paint and just have our bedroom finally be complete.

I've been hitting the bottle!

The bleach bottle that is :-)

As most of you know, I've been dying my hair for about 5 years now. My natural hair color is a very ashy blonde and it looks very BLAH! As a teen I would put highlights in my hair to give it a little umph, but my hair is so thin and the bleach just destroyed it over time and it became very brittle. I finally decided I would go dark. I've really liked it dark, but like most women when they are pregnant, I am in need of a change! I didn't want to cut my hair - I like it long because I can do so much with it and it's great for the summer and for labor. I have plans to cut it off in the fall, but not quite yet!

Here's a pic with my new blonde streaks!

It's a......

I had my ultrasound today, non-stress test and dr appointment and everything went well. The baby is head down, but constantly flopping from side to side - the technician would look at the spine and then go to look at the other side and the baby would turn on her - it was quite funny. She was measuring the leg and I asked if it was just the femur or the whole leg - she said, oh, it's just the femur, usually at this stage the baby is running out of room and keeps the legs bent - just then the baby extended both legs completely straight out and kept them like that for several seconds - but they legs were plastered together so I didn't see anything - but it's a Big Baby! According to all the measurements my due date is August 14th - that's 12 days earlier - but my babies have always measured big, but have always been text book size for their gestation. My doctor with Olivia pushed for a c section because she thought Olivia was going to be 10 pounds according to the ultrasound - she came out all of 7 pounds and 15 ounces 2 days past her due date. Jesse was 2 pounds 15 ounces at 30 weeks even though I measured 2 weeks big with him and the ultrasound today said that this baby is already 2 3/4 pounds and I'm 26 weeks. So, my midwife isn't changing my due date because my babies just tend to measure big.
I'll be very busy from here on out with Dr appointments - here's what the plan is:
Week 27 - one NST (non-stress test)
Week 28 - Dr appointment and 2 NST
Week 29 - 2 NST
Week 30 - Dr appointment and 2 NST
Week 31 - 2 NST
Week 32 through delivery - Dr appointment, 2 NST and an ultrasound every week!
It's a lot, but I'm so thankful that my midwife is keeping a close eye on this baby - it is very reassuring!

So, there IS a lot more opportunity to find out the sex of the baby (like 8 more ultrasounds) - but sorry to tell you, that's not going to happen :-) Unless you're willing to pay big money...just kidding ;-) I really really really want to be surprised and I'm looking forward to Brian yelling out "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" in the delivery room - the thought really does make me teary-eyed and very excited.

Thanks again for all your prayers!

Nursery

Okay, I'm having some anxiety about not having a nursery ready for the baby. Our original thought was that we would just do the nursery after the baby was born (Brian is planning on taking 2 weeks off) but the more I think about it, the more I just can't imagine trying to decorate a nursery with a newborn at home. I just started thinking about how tired both Brian and I were those first few weeks. So, I'm flipping out! I don't want a neutral nursery either which is making it even harder since we don't know if we are having a boy or a girl. So, I've made it my mission to find baby bedding (both boy and girl) with similar color schemes. Luckily the Pottery Barn Kids catalog showed up in the mail at the same time and I came across a lot of girl bedding and boy bedding with the same color of blue in it. My thoughts are to paint the nursery blue and either purchase both boy and girl bedding (and return one later) or just purchase whatever we need after the baby. Then we can decorate the walls to make the room really girly or very boyish. I have a friend in the area who paints mural and stuff on the wall which is another option. So, here's the bedding that I like. Whatcha think?

Sophie Bedding

Andi Bedding

Daisy Garden Bedding

Mallory Bedding

I added a pic of the bedding for kids too because I liked the way the room was decorated - I thought it would be so cute to hang little butterflies above the bed.

Oscar Bedding

Locomotive Bedding

Baby Boats

Benjamin Moore and Pottery Barn have come together to form a color palette. I was thinking of painting the nursery either "Faded Denim" or "Sea to Shining Sea"

Indianapolis canal

The Saturday before Mother's Day we visited the Indianapolis Canal for a little walk. The weather was excellent and the pics turned out good so I wanted to share.

Just a little paranoid

Yesterday I was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off making chocolate covered strawberries and getting ready for our spa day at MOPS. Then I had to go to church last night and set up for our MOPS meeting that was today. I got home last night and went to bed, but as I laid down the baby didn't start moving around like he/she usually does so I started worrying. I was awake most of the night. The only way I could get the baby to move was to push around on my belly a little and even then, I'd just get a little kick and then nothing else. I got up several times and got a cold drink, but still nothing unless I pushed around. Finally at 4:57am I got a little bit of movement and was able to sleep until 6:30 when my alarm went off. I got ready and went to MOPS. I was busy setting up and eating breakfast and didn't really pay much attention until I was getting a massage and noticed that I hadn't felt the baby move in awhile. Finally during clean-up after our MOPS meeting I started worrying a little more. I talked to Brian on the phone and he insisted I call my midwife immediately. A couple moms overheard my conversation and insisted on me leaving rather than cleaning up. I left MOPS and went directly to my midwife's office. The did an ultrasound and immediately saw a good strong heartbeat and movement. I was hooked up to the monitors and had a non-stress test and everything was fine.

My midwife kind of scolded me for not calling her in the middle of the night or at least calling the on call service. She said that she has me and another patient and by the time our babies are born she will have grey hair, but that if we are worrying she wants to be worrying with us. I feel so blessed to have such an awesome midwife who is so understanding. She knows that this pregnancy, and probably everyone to follow, will be full of worry, but not only that, she insists that I call her and come in anytime I need to....she is a true blessing.

FYI - the heart rate was between 134 and 140 when the baby was inactive (sometimes even dipping as low as 127) and would jump up to the 150's when active. Last week my midwife was saying she thought it might be a girl, but today she said she is changing her guess and thinks that it is a boy. Not only that, but every nurse kept referring to the baby as "he". If I was forced to make a guess I would say girl, but I'm not 100% like I was with Jesse and Olivia - I go back and forth quite often - really the only reason why I say girl is because I had one dream in which the baby was a girl. We will all know in a few months - for now, we'll just have to keep guessing. However, I am starting to be more paranoid about not having the nursery done before the baby is born and I don't tend to like the "neutral" theme. I've got some ideas - I'll blog on that sometime soon - I'd like to get your opinions :-)

Happy Mother's Day

Ahhhh, life is great! I'm sitting on the beach, temperature is 78 degrees with a light breeze and a very warm sun. I'm relaxing, watching Brian and Olivia, barefoot in the sand, flying a kite. I've just eaten a wonderful picnic lunch prepared by my lovely husband and daughter and life is GRAND....oh, sorry, I must have dozed off! I think I was dreaming of the perfect day.

So it was a dream. Something I wish I was doing, but what I AM doing isn't all that bad either. I'm with all the people I love the most. I'm celebrating Mother's Day with my mom and my daughter (along with my wonderful husband and my dad, brothers, sister-in-laws and nieces). This is what the day is all about. I'm with my mommy and with the precious miracle who made me a mommy along with the miracle growing inside of my tummy. Life is great and I am so thankful for the blessings in my life and that I can not only celebrate Mother's Day with my mom, but that I can be celebrated too because God chose me to take on the very important role as a mommy. I also feel my angels close by - I feel them in the gentle breeze that blows through the air and the little rain drops that fall from heaven. I feel their love and I hope they feel mine. I caress my tummy as the little miracle inside kicks and flips and I thank God for the movement that I feel today. And to the guy who hand a hand in all of this, Brian, thank you for making this all possible as well - I must say we've got a beautiful life and so many blessings.

Thank you God for all the blessings in our life and continue to bless us.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies out there - I hope that you realize today how special you are that God has chosen you to take on this very special role.